June 2011
2 posts
An New Finish (The End)
So here we are, at the end of it all. I started this blog on December 26th, 2008 way before tumblr was cool. My first blog posted was about me hiding behind a mask and seeing scars, little did I know I would soon reveal my face, my true identity and sorta embrace it.
I once wrote a blog post on March 1st, 2010 called ‘Rewind, Review & Recycle’, explaining why I started this blog,...
No More Care, No More
I have probably told you this once before and you are most likely sick of hearing about me and my life and that’s why next week will be my last blog post on this blog. I mean I will not delete it but you will no longer read any new words that spout out of my head.
I thought that it would make sense now, that I would finally reveal some of myself without being cryptic all over.
You see my...
May 2011
4 posts
Week Thirty Nine: All Things End
So here we are.. almost at the end of it all and by that I don’t mean life but rather the end of another chapter and most importantly the end to stop waiting for people to understand my determination. I guess the point of these updates were to count down for a year, till the moment where I finally got a chance from a school of my dream to leave here and go there. 50 weeks was the end point,...
The Vicious $tory
Let me tell you a story about a boy and a girl…. This is no ordinary story because well to be honest this story has been told one too many times but just in different ways. It is a love story though but you wont find that out until later on in the end. I will also break the news and say, there is no happy ending quite yet, so this is no fairytale either. Its a story about two people, one...
Nothing More To Say (Pt 2)
I’m back… or at least my fingers are, I don’t know about my mind, I do think that’s in solitude. You would think I would learn my lesson I mean after soo many years of me just fucking writing and writing like my words will be a Shakespeare play someday but that probably is not the case here. I am clearly just speaking to myself except on writing form… Like if I was...
The Forest Before The Trees
I don’t exactly where to start, and I am sure I have once spoken about this matter before but I feel I must one last time. With a different view point & much more clearer mind. This may be long, so please bare with me.
There has been a song I have recently been listening to and I once knew this song before, a year ago sometime but I found it again and this time it hit me, I understood...
April 2011
4 posts
Nothing Left To Say (Pt 1)
So here I am, the fan blowing down on me and I am sitting up in my bed with nothing but the laptop light glowing on me and in my room. Its pretty early to be already hiding away in my room because I tend to do this before hours of sleep… Everyone likes a little quiet before they close their eyes. You see though, Iv been doing this since I woke up and I do it a lot. Nothing but me hiding out...
Week Thirty Three: Now What?
If you remember why I have been counting down.. or rather up, you would realize, its because I was counting towards a certain day, that day was the day I finally move and attend that school of radio but you see, things didnt work out. Here I am again, rejected because a certain school is very picky on people to accept them, its not like they are paying us to attend.
I like to think everything...
12/45 (Pt 2)
Hello Reader, its ‘S’ again.
I am not sure if you are still reading this but I urge to continue as this is pretty much the only hope your world has left.
If you don’t recall where we left off, I was telling you about the mistake the USA made that affected all the world, and the weather didn’t help either.
Today I had no food, I had to eat a friends dog, he was our guard...
Almost To The End (Confessions)
The thought of being alone forever, it scares me, even if its not forever, even if its for a couple years, it scares me. The thought process is obscured by my worrying that I will continue to lay awake with cold hands and a cold heart.
Beside me, the trunk lays there with nothing but ideas and ramblings and thoughts that make no sense. I know I have come to the point of realizing what exactly is...
March 2011
6 posts
The Last Sex Scene
Love never felt this real, as I waltzed up to her with one intention in mind.. That was showing her my true love and affection for her. This was the first time I ever had the nerves to act on my feelings so it was nerve wreaking but that’s what made this night so much more spectacular.
As I kissed her and she kissed back, the sparks erupted in my head and my heart, and the connection was...
Week Twenty-Nine: Pause, Slow Down, Fast Forward
I feel like I have been losing my motivation for writing, I guess its because I am growing mad bored of my life, its very very boring. There is no excitement, there is no suspense and there is surely no love but I am not gonna write about negativity today because that’s what I do pretty much once a week so instead I am going to actually give an update this time.. its been far too long.
With...
12/45 (Pt 1)
Dear Reader.
I will not disclose my name so you can call me ‘S’ and If you are reading this now it means that you are in the past, you are probably in 2011 if I am doing the math correctly. Over here its 2045 and I am barely holding on to my own life. I am 55 years old and I don’t have too much time left here. We have run out of all foods and the only thing we eat now are...
Inutile
Every week I write two blog posts about pretty much nothing but also about my life and the end result is almost the same and that is me with no answers and no solutions. I don’t know what I am trying to say. I just think sooner or later, this blog will be no more… I mean it will still exist in the Internet world but it will be left untouched.
Iv never really learned much from writing...
Its Almost The End... After All
With the steel clanging fences rocking back & forth and the wind blowing that bone chilling kind, you know its only a matter of time hell is on its way. Broken down house lay in wake cause the destruction it for saw. You might have seen the mighty depths of hell but you have not see this kind of fury that is about to be unleashed.
All you men and woman, all that is in your head, you stand in...
Rant With Me
This is not gonna be like any other thing you read on my blog in the previous years, no… because I am done holding back, names will be said and I will call people out on their bull shit because frankly I just don’t care anymore and even if I did care for the little bit, they still deserve every bit of the words being thrown at them and will not regret it at all!
With that said lets...
February 2011
6 posts
Imperial Havoc
Hello, you don’t know me yet but you will. I will write about myself and everything I have gone through but I probably will not write it on here.
You see you probably will never actually know who I am and that because I am saving you from destruction and the collapsing of your own mind. I don’t wanna hurt you, noo I don’t. I bring disaster forth like a mad men shooting up a...
Cold & Dead
I have felt pain too many times that I have merely lost the the ability to feel. As if I was stripped of this power, of this emotion. Instead I sit in the dark feeling out of place, like something is wrong with me.
I hate it, I fucking hate it, I cant seem to give a shit anymore, all it is, is emptiness that subsides upon my restless heart. I cant feel anything, I am immune. When I say I give a...
Week Twenty-Five: Half Way To Fifty
Its been a while since I last wrote one of these updates… not like anybody is listening to my constant whines but yes its been 10 weeks. I guess I have been busy with school, as it will almost be finished for me in May and I am just soo excited, I didn’t even need that course anyways.
My heart is still lonely and though people try to take shots at it or even warm it up, it never...
Determination Pt 4: You Are The Fuel To My Fire
This determination… It runs through my blood now.
I’m going to host award shows, have big houses, have lots of cars, have radio shows…make my name known.
You may be doubting my words but I want that, I want you to doubt me because its people like yourself that light my fire, you truly are the fuel. I will remember your name and when the times comes and you see me up in the lights, I will...
Determination Pt 3: Doing This For Them
I have always told myself I wanted to be in the spotlight since I was young, I wanted to be big and you know I could have let these deaths kill me and my motivation but I decided that what I do now will not just be for me but for them. I will rise above the doubt and the insults and the deaths and I will prove everyone wrong. I am done wallowing in the past, I’m going to make something of my...
Back To The Roots
I sit in angst with my broken heart in my hand but its still, its still beating in my hand. I mean it has been broken and the question is not will it go back? its ‘who will help it go back?’. Its beats beats but nothing comes out, just the sound of silence and me just waiting waiting in angst.
Have you ever felt alone? Alone in the sense where you know you have people who care for...
January 2011
7 posts
Determination Pt 2: Witnessing
Once I moved here to PEI, my true self started dying out and it was probably because I have witnessed death and that feeling you get when someone dies has never gone away. With my luck, death came in threes.
On mother day in 2006, as my family was preparing for the mothers days meal we had every year that consisted of Chinese food and lobster, I was outside in car listening to Cd’s. The...
Determination Pt 1: Origin
If you ever wondered how I achieved that attitude I have now that I bring forth into this world…some of all that will be explained through out the next 2 weeks but first we must start at the beginning.
Ever since I was a kid I felt left out, like the kid that gets picked last, I simply did not fit in. I had friends, yeah sure but I always felt like the odd one, the alien, the one that gets...
That $pecial Kind Of Vicious
It took 7 years, 84 months, 3 failed relationships to get to the point I am at today. In 7 years someone could get married and divorced, they could get pregnant, have a baby and get pregnant again. Past 7 years many icons have passed leaving us with lame incompetent impostor singers. Finally after 7 years, 2 failed attempts at her.. I am hoping this 3rd attempt will be success.
The truth is, I...
The Disease Is Inside Of Me...You Cant Find It
The devastation is devastating, the sickness is sickening and all I keep hearing are the sounds of failure but it is failing sounds. The urges becoming urging and all I need to do is break out of here but the breaking out will never let my soul break out. I am a prisoner of this disease, I am.
I can scream soo loud but the loud screams are only quiet and I can speak in whispers but the whisper...
This Is My House, This Is My Home
Shattered minds can become someones home, like a schizophrenic waiting for the voices to kick in or a mad man waiting for insanity to take over. Its the dark cave they go into just to hide but never come out. That broken home that lays in the middle of the park made out of old boxes. Its the houses that have been filled with water to the top and still sit in New Orleans. Its the home that is...
Kill Her, Killer!
She sits with her broken heart in her hands, its terribly broken, like in a million pieces but she still gathers it up in the palms of her hand and clutches it trying to fight the tears. Her lips tremble and she can no longer hold onto it, they stream down her face, the warm tears on her cold cheek, her broken heart still clutched in her hand in ruins..no sound comes out while she cries because...
I Died With You
Your fingers, they were purple, like you were melting and I was witnessing you leave me and I couldn’t do anything about it, I just stood there and watched as you left the earth..so sad but so graciously.
They should have made you look like you, instead they painted you up like you were a joke, another job for them…They missed your fingers, I wish they didn’t because its the...
December 2010
4 posts
Week Fifteen: Happy Holidays & Sad Days (pt 2)
Hello world, its been a while since my mouth spewed out understanding words…probably like a month and one week now. I was busy getting a perm.
Now I am back in all its glory..but not for long..point is I am back to pretty much review what this year was and what it wasn’t, who died and who also died and other pointless stuff that will make you want to vomit and possibly vomit again...
Evil Exists
Under the red light, it flickers and flicks. Beaming over my head as I lay there motionless with only the sound of my heart beating.
Hell has confined me to my bed, tied me up and kept me here as I bled out, I bleed out red and feel like black. The last thoughts, they just laugh and snicker and say ‘we got you here, we got here’. I’m strapped down, unable to do anything but...
Last Star
You popped in my head again, you dance around and took it over. I thought I was touching you and you were touching me. It was a nice thought because I could feel everything and I could smell your scent like you were exactly right beside me.
I know your probably wonder why I would even have you running though my mind..I don’t know, shit happens. It just happened like you were running and I...
We Are Dead
I just thought of something that in itself is a scary thought.
Everyone you see before you, will die, the band your listening to, the show your watching, the people running the show, we will all die sometime.
The scary part is, it can happen any time because there is 100 percent we are all gonna end up dying, that one day we wont wake up anymore…how will that feel? Will we know we are...
November 2010
6 posts
Crow
They say when you can fly real high, you forget everything, that just gracefully floating in the sky, makes you feel like you have nothing to worry about.
I sit perched up staring at the sunset asking myself ‘when will I get what I want?’ and you see I have to sit there because my wings have been clipped so thus no flying will come from me. I cant lose myself in the sky and I cant...
Poison (pt 2)
“Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
34 months ago, I brought a revelation forth that was taking place before your very eyes and months later it has taken over my body like a damn parasite.
I sit near...
Anonymous, I Stay
I am just head over heels for that girl who twirls in the air. He hair falls to her shoulder’s like it has its mind of its own. I stand from a distance admiring her but I don’t over step my boundaries cause I don’t want her to know about me…not yet at least.
I’m sure she noticed me, I am not exactly the type to be unnoticeable. Her colorful eyes has met mine, one too...
Act III: The Act Of Lust
An intense or obsessive desire, especially one that is sexual.
I have watched as the world fell from the clouds, the skies opened up and fire rain down like it once did thousands of years ago and all you guys did was stand there and admire such devastation.
You all caught up in great events, like you want to be part of mere history but the truth remains, once your in that event you will be on...
Week Ten: Tiger Twenty
As I write to you today, I am in the process of turning twenty, or is it an over night thing? Point is, today is my birthday and even though I can eat my cake if I want to, I really don’t want cake to celebrate a birthday, I want happiness and real friends that merely should be celebrated in style being, being a mile-stone ish and all. Maybe I am just lacking on some hardcore real friends...
I Can Feel The Sex Off You But You Never Speak Of...
Her lips, she licks, showing every bit of her emotion by one motion. The wet lips give off a sign of ‘I wanna it’ and I want it too..bad. She plays with her hair dangling it with her finger and the flicker of her eye lash calls the feeling of wanting it…bad. She says ‘Do you love it baby?’, I have no response cause my love for her, is too much…that’s too...
Week Nine: Nightmare Before November
Let me stress how much I don’t enjoy Halloween, it’s over rated to the damn core and it makes me not want to be any part of it and I don’t understand why people don’t understand that. It’s like the worst things to say to someone, telling them you hate Halloween is like the worst thing ever. I liked it when I was 10 but I’m sorry, I just don’t want to dress up anymore and be someone I am not, I...
October 2010
9 posts
The Best Is Yet To Come
I have once been conflicted with the thought of losing everything in my site. This mere worry over took every thought that entered my villainous mind. I was fighting my own thoughts like they were my own monsters turning against the me. The thought of losing that was almost as worse then being nothing more a washed up druggie. I need these conflicting thoughts to get me exactly where I need to...
Of Course It All Died
I stand at fates door not sure when it will open, the cold air continues to thrash at my face as if its telling me to go away but I continue to wait for my moment to arise for this cold numb feeling. My hand on the door nob, its trembling, like someone is trying to open it, and it shakes and rattles and I hang on…This is my moment.
Its like that saying, when the say ‘never give...
Till' Kingdom Come
I have felt lost and I didn’t dare try and find myself because when I was lost I didn’t wanna be found..that being lost was almost like opening up again and letting this blue world know who I was. I didn’t want that, I didn’t want to become a used up doll and thrown away every single time so I did the next best thing and continued to push away and I have succeed every...
Alter Ego
Its seem like for years I have been hiding in this alter ego that I made and it feels soo normal, as if the old me was the real alter ego. Almost like the old memories being nothing more then a very bad dream.
I invented this alter ego out of boredom and the fact that I use to not enjoy who I am and now it has been years since I have broken out of character, that now, this is simply who I am. The...
Week Six: And I Quote...
Its been a long time since I bluntly opened up without any cryptic talk following too far behind so I feel like I have the need to do just that right now. With that being said, I suggest you open your eyes and take everything into consideration and remember this cause I am only going to repeat things once…hopefully.
I always end up watching these movies where the main character in it, seems...
Toxic
Its eats me up, and I’m feeling it. Its murder, its murder I tell you. This sickness is invading my every muscle and vain and I am soaking it in like a fucking parasite. I’m just getting started…
They all say no but I just tune them out, open my eyes and witness the everlasting history that calls more names then one.
This isn’t what you expect..its what you don’t...
It Burns, It Burns And I Like It
Have you ever seen it? It shines so bright, you want to touch it like the power it poses, just touch it. It burns inside of us all, we just don’t know it cause we have to let it lose and sometimes we get really have to realize that in order to let it lose.
We are just miserable fucks without it; we drag our feet and hang out pathetic heads as we make our way into public, like some disease has...
6 Ways To Kill A Zombie
As much as this will come as a surprise to you, today I am going to teach you how to survive a zombie attack cause I know there will come a time when you will need to put this to good use and the Internet will be down by then so all the more to print this out and wait for that faithful day!
Let me help you out this one time only and deliver only 6 weapons you will need to use to defend your well...
September 2010
8 posts
Act II: The Act Of Despair
Useless victims and broken minds ain’t nothing like breaking me and crossing those lines. We have all witnessed first hand the betrayal of such world that we almost loathe in it, like its our bath water on a Sunday night. We cringe for the final moments of a massacre and the last seconds to a suicide. Its just the world has grown bored, we see the same thing played over, the span of 200...
Week Three: Cold Skys, Grey Wind
I am selfishly counting down the days to my leave here and 12 months cant hurry up any faster. The weather is changing and I am growing more and more impatient as the nights grows on. I don’t want winter this year, I don’t want this shitty fucking place this year. I am just pushing it in the back of my mind hoping that something will make this go a little faster.
Besides that, I hope...