That $pecial Kind Of Vicious
It took 7 years, 84 months, 3 failed relationships to get to the point I am at today. In 7 years someone could get married and divorced, they could get pregnant, have a baby and get pregnant again. Past 7 years many icons have passed leaving us with lame incompetent impostor singers. Finally after 7 years, 2 failed attempts at her.. I am hoping this 3rd attempt will be success.
The truth is, I have wrote about her before, once, twice… even thrice times (in a cryptic manner) but those posts didn’t do her justice because the more the years pass, the more I find myself and the more I realize what I need and look for in a girl and to be quite frank she is all that.
If you ever wondered how I got my motivation to write about a ‘girl’ that seemingly felt real from my early blog post.. she doesn’t know this but she was my motivation. I mean I didn’t intentionally write about her but more so ‘cause of her‘, she was the kind of girl I wanted, that I could see myself with, embarrassing myself with, just being ‘me’ with and if it had to take 7 years to get to that point, id do it again
Now I may be fooling myself, or jinxing myself but I guess that’s the cost of things ‘just go with it’. You see, I never really found ‘my’ satisfaction in past relationships but it was probably because I had to find myself first but even then there was still no actual chemistry, no back bone. Crushing on someone for almost 7-8 years, you really start to build these feelings that you didn’t know were there until you found that cage door and opened it and it all came flooding out.
I guess If I tried to explain the feeling she gives me… I would fail, because it feels new and fresh and its not just based on attraction, even though she is beautiful but we have that bond that has lasted through her 2 long relationships and my 3 short ones, it simply has lasted and I cant say that isn’t new to me. I guess what I am saying is that, this girl is just absolute marvelous, and she is probably the only one who I feel understands me, the real me, the me before I adopted any kind of alter ego to pass the time. She knows me, the kid from grade 8 who didn’t know how to dress and to be honest no one can top that.
I liked her since day one, so after soo long what would you call it now? I know at the end of the day the feeling I got in grade 8 with my torn shoes and brash attitude standing there mumbling words out trying to get over my nerves when speaking to her, is pretty damn equivalent to today, except this time…I am not letting her go.
