Determination Pt 1: Origin
If you ever wondered how I achieved that attitude I have now that I bring forth into this world…some of all that will be explained through out the next 2 weeks but first we must start at the beginning.
Ever since I was a kid I felt left out, like the kid that gets picked last, I simply did not fit in. I had friends, yeah sure but I always felt like the odd one, the alien, the one that gets looked down on…It was hard for me to fit in. I wanted to be friends with the jocks and the preps because they fit in perfectly, I would speak to them and all I get in return is patronizing attitudes, like I was somehow lower than them. I guess growing up in Calgary you would be faced with lots of difficulties and it made me all bottled up with emotion so I got in fights and beat up kids and got beat up…a rock in the knee, a pellet in my leg, just to name a few.
I remember having this community bully who always punched me in the stomach and though I didn’t need it at the time, it toughened me up till this day. If it was not him it was this kid name Raymond who I always fought, at least 3 times and I won 2 of those. I remember the first time I was about to go fight him I kept looking down at my old shoes that were too small for me wondering ‘these shoes are not good for fighting’, I went into the fight doubting myself and that was the first fight I lost. That city beat me up..in more ways than one. I was introduced to death for the first time in my life on January 3rd and that is what changed everything. That was not the last time I seen death..
Back when I lived in Calgary I could only remember having two friends, Eric Olsen and Anthony Newfeld, they were my best friends from grade 2 – 5, they were the ones I hung out with and acted like a kid with. Eric Olsen now resides in Calgary, still looking the same but less thinner and we no longer speak. In May 2009 Anthony passed away in a car crash while he was driving in Alberta, I found out 3 months after his death… Id say he was my favourite of my friends, he was soo funny, I don’t even know if I ever met a funnier person because he was just soo fucking funny and he was just the guy to go to when you needed to be cheered up.
One memory of him stands out: it was grade 3 and we were in Mr Q’s class, whom was my favorite teacher of my years. Me and Anothny were talking about music and he suggested I listen to ‘Eagle Eye Cherry’ and I did and I loved them, though im not sure how I did as computers were only for the rich back then.
Now every time that song comes on, I think of him..truth is, his death still haunts me to the absolute bone…
