Week Twenty-Nine: Pause, Slow Down, Fast Forward
I feel like I have been losing my motivation for writing, I guess its because I am growing mad bored of my life, its very very boring. There is no excitement, there is no suspense and there is surely no love but I am not gonna write about negativity today because that’s what I do pretty much once a week so instead I am going to actually give an update this time.. its been far too long.
With that said I am thinking I have had too much bad luck in my life, too much misery and too much disappointment and I need something, someone to put a stop to that.
Couple weeks ago I went to vist the school I want to attend, far far away from this god forsaken place. I went in with a bow tie, a pink dress short and a cardigan and of course I was standing out between two other boring dressed men. I was nervous, didn’t say much unless I was asked a question and gave them everything one could give to a school including a podcast. In the back of my mind I am worried I wont get in again and I am thinking.. what then? Because I am already losing myself but another year here, I couldn’t do it, I just cant, not anymore I have to leave this place asap… I guess in 10 more weeks we will find out the verdict.
I think 2011 may not be the year for me for love or even lust, but I didnt give up yet, I am still looking for someone to change my mind. I really need someone to change my mind.
I think everyone in this life can only have soo much good luck/bad luck but for me its been bad luck which means good luck is soon on the way. You can only be down for so long then you start to learn to pick yourself up and end the bad luck. I know sometime in the future, the things I wish for.. if they remain on the back of my mind that I will soon achieve each and every one of them. I will soon get what I want and I suppose this waiting game was never my thing.
The deal is in 12 weeks I am not sure, where I am going with this blog, if I will continue it or just start a new one. I have not been writing much or been giving it 100 percent like I once did and I think its probably because Iv been drained of who I really am but I am trying here. Don’t give up on me just yet please.
So as I sit here waiting for my approval to the college, waiting for love, waiting for my good luck and excitement to come my way and trying to stay sane, all I am going to say is; Only when I am down is when I shine the brightest. I may want to push the fast forward button and get to the point of my life I want but then I wouldn’t learn anything and whats the point in the future if you just get it handed to you? You must fight for it so it feels satisfying in the end and everyday I fight and I will fight, alone or in love, bored or excited, I will rise above it all someday and prove you doubters wrong.
There is much more that needs to be said, I may seem to be gone for a bit but I am not lost, I am never lost.. I will not be lost.
29 weeks later and I am still fighting when I thought I couldn’t.
