Almost To The End (Confessions)
The thought of being alone forever, it scares me, even if its not forever, even if its for a couple years, it scares me. The thought process is obscured by my worrying that I will continue to lay awake with cold hands and a cold heart.
Beside me, the trunk lays there with nothing but ideas and ramblings and thoughts that make no sense. I know I have come to the point of realizing what exactly is me, what makes me… me. I know my downfalls and what I don’t like about myself. I know I hate that I am not independent as much has I am suppose to be. I know I sometimes get worried I may be unattractive. I sometimes feel I need to change something of my life in order to feel happy but I don’t know what. I realized all this, it took me couple years to figure this out but at least now I know.
I guess my main problem now is finding a cure to my madness, trying to settle it, perhaps confess my madness, my masochism.. Come to grips with it.
There is also hope… Hope that I find someone who understands my wicked ways, and sometimes writing on a blog does not always help, it just settles the demons down but it does not always help.
I continue to lay here with cold hands and a cold heart and oddly enough.. Its no different than being dead.
