The Forest Before The Trees
I don’t exactly where to start, and I am sure I have once spoken about this matter before but I feel I must one last time. With a different view point & much more clearer mind. This may be long, so please bare with me.
There has been a song I have recently been listening to and I once knew this song before, a year ago sometime but I found it again and this time it hit me, I understood every word, I understood the video itself. The song is titled ‘Sometime Around Midnight’ and I enjoy this video because it relates to how I currently am feel. Now I am not gonna explain the video for you or what the song means, you will have to find out for yourself.
With that said, it made me reflect on the past, my true feelings and how everything was said, and done and so I felt I must bring up this topic one last time.
Lets start at the beginning. You see there is certain people you meet where you know they will be in your life forever and well this girl is one of those people. In fact I don’t think there currently is anyone else in my life that I feel like that with. The first time I met her, it felt that exact feeling where I knew very well she would be that person who is in my life till I have no life anymore. From time to time I go to that place where I first met this female and I think back to the time we first met and where everything went wrong.
Things grew after that first date, that first moment… That will always be remembered, that was the moment for so many reasons. But things did get better, soo many feelings come racing back when I think of all those moments after and between.
You see people, I am not perfect, I never will be. I am the candidate for imperfections and sometimes I say stuff I wish I didn’t but at those times, I say it because I am… Not perfect. Iv made many mistakes and I regret the ones that hold close to my heart and maybe things would be different if maybe I wasn’t soo broken up and beat up and imperfect inside. But I did all that, I did and that is what makes me, who I am I suppose.
I guess why I am telling you this is because our last falling out, well it was pretty much our ‘last falling out’ and I wish I bit my tongue, I wish I drew blood but I didn’t, I ‘stuck’ to my guns and I made more mistakes.. the worst mistake that I could have made.
This mistake came when the words spouted out of my mouth like a fucking toxic fountain, it spewed out. I told her I didn’t like her anymore, I told her Id never like her the way she wants me to. I told her how I don’t care about her as much as I use to, I wasn’t attracted to her. I said all that with no hesitation, I sat there mumbling mistakes out of my mouth and that was that. That was the end.
The truth is, I lied. The truth is, I miss her. The truth is, I still love her.
I guess I fucked up way too much to go back, I know its not fair and I know it would be selfish. I know its time to call it quiets and let her finally have her happiness. I guess it may be time to let that happen. I guess it may be time to wonder onto some new land…..
I just wanted say that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
